Minyan is personal Solidarity

(Written Wednesday, November 19, 2014 following the attacks in Har Nof)

I went to minyan today. I don’t usually daven with a minyan. Either I’m at home getting children off to school, or I’m already at my office working. Recently, my office moved into the Beth David B’nai Israel Beth Am synagogue. It’s a different feeling coming to work in a synagogue each week. The office is separate from the synagogue offices. Each day, I walk into the lobby and up the stairs towards the sanctuary. My office is past there, up another flight. Each afternoon I walk back. I cannot walk past without noticing the sanctuary and the social hall. I see if there are signs of a recent bar or bat mitzvah. I notice if the staff is setting up for an event. Our mail comes to the synagogue office. At our previous office, the mail carrier pushed the mail through the mail slot whether we were there or not.

It can be solitary still. While MERCAZ-Canada and the Canadian Foundation for Masorti Judaism are nation-wide organizations, we run a small operation. There are just two of us, both part-time. I am often in the office alone. But, in a synagogue there is always movement. There are always people. I stop in the office to pick up the mail. We kibitz, even if only for a moment. There’s a person to greet and at whom to smile. There’s always a smile back. People drop in. They come to see the sanctuary, to plan for life-cycle events, and for lessons and lectures. There’s a school in the synagogue, and I see and hear the kids outside.

Today, I was at my desk early. My husband dropped me off at work before going work. As a congregational rabbi, going to work means starting with minyan at Pride of Israel. When this happens, I arrive at my office about 7:15 AM. There are two morning minyanim here. I arrive between them. Too late to attend the 7:00 minyan, I am usually so immersed in work and phone calls, that I lose track of the time, and miss the 8:00 minyan. Last week I was all set to go, tallit and t’fillin in hand, when the phone rang. It was a call from Israel that I needed to take. By the time I was done, minyan was over. This morning I was determined not to let that happen again. After what happened at Kehillat B’nei Torah in Har Nof, I needed to go to minyan. Minyan represents community. Minyan represents unity. Minyan represents solidarity. Today I needed to stand with my community.

And so I went. I walked in, albeit a couple of minutes late. Taking a spot near the door, I put on my tallit and t’fillin, and began to daven. The minyan is mostly men with a few older women. My voice clearly stood out against the mumble of the t’fillot. The gabbai came over to ask me if I had yahrtzeit, when I said no, he asked if I was in shiva.  “No,” I replied, “Thank you for asking.” I think he was surprised to see someone my age in the morning minyan just to pray.

And pray I did. A weekday Shacharit minyan is much more focused than the Shabbat service. People have places to be. They come. They pray. They head off to day-to-day life. I stayed through the service, and was back at my desk within 40 minutes, but so much the better for having been there.

I wrote the above piece the day after the attacks in Har Nof. The Jewish world was rocked by the pictures of blood covered tallitot and arms wrapped in t'fillin. Jewish prayer is a unique experience. It is structured to be personal and solitary within community. With the exceptions of Kaddish and Keddusha, we go at our own pace. We read privately, yet aloud- loud enough to hear ourselves, quietly enough not to disturb others. For those of us who daven with a tallit, that tallit may be used create an additional private space by placing the tallit over our heads. The concept that danger may lurk outside that holy space would never cross one's mind. 

Most days I pray in my own personal sphere, connecting with God on some days, connecting with myself on most days. But now the moment is a bit tainted. Most of the time it's fine, but sometimes, rarely, as I look down at my own arm wrapped in t'fillin, I think of that arm covered in blood, and I say my prayers for the both of us.

Pain & Perspective (Sciatica and Life)

As it often does, my blogging has fallen by the wayside. This time I blame pain. I began the summer with torn cartilage in my knee, and ended the summer with sciatica, likely brought on after hikes in damp, freezing weather over uneven ground up to Black rock (left) and down into Dark Hollow (right) at Shenandoah National Park. Of course it could have been a culmination of hiking in Israel, then working at camp, then the trip to Shenandoah, but we'll never know.

Dealing with sciatica, I have been unable to sit, unable to stand, unable to focus. For over two months I have essentially become a hermit. I work. I come home. I cannot drive. I cannot walk. Finally at the start of November, I began to emerge from my isolation. Actually I was forced, perhaps prematurely. I was scheduled to serve as Rabbi-in-Residence in Ottawa. So on October 31 I boarded a train to Ottawa. The train ride was long, but allowed me to shift positions and stand. My biggest problem was getting my shoes and socks on (I still have trouble with that). The weekend went well. There was wonderful feedback. Anyone who saw me gripping the lectern white-knuckled attributed it to my fervor, and not to the pain of sitting and standing in services.

What I had not realized was how much I missed being part of a Shabbat community. I missed the davenning.  I missed the people. I missed the interaction. The return trip was agony. The next day not much better. After Ottawa was a Shabbat with two b'nei mitzvah. Lots of walking- not good. Loads of friends- great! Then teaching- so good to be back, but oh so sore. Then another working Shabbat and another bat mitzvah. Next week is a working Shabbat, away again, followed by a bat mitzvah in Houston for me and my girl. Who knows what a 5 hour plane ride will do?

Still, I'm happy for all of this. Even as I type this, the pain is increasing. Meds only do so much. But there is perspective. I spent 2 months sleeping on my couch. We needed a new mattress, but, of course, I couldn't help shop for one while laid up. Shopping for a mattress with sciatica is immensely painful, but when I could stand it for a while we made 3 separate trips to look at mattresses. I am finally back in my bed. I still can't put my shoes on, but through all of this, I haven't missed a day of work. If anything, due to projects and the upcoming WZO Congress, I've put in extra hours. I've managed (including those coming up) 3 Shabbatot as a guest speaker, 4 b'nei mitzvah, one train trip, one plane trip, and teaching twice.When people ask me how I am, I say, "a little better everyday." It's mostly true. The path of healing is not a straight one. It sometimes doubles back. But slowly, slowly I am emerging back into the light. My garden is overgrown, and I still can't really drive or put on my own socks, but I can help with the laundry and the cooking. I can't do the shopping, but I can do the menu planning. I can help Jesse with his organization (when he lets me). I can bend over and kiss my children good night. When this resolves, and it will eventually, there is no reason to think it will reoccur.

The pain of sciatica is excruciating. It's amazing how many people suffer from it. I have a high tolerance for pain. And so I was amazed at how low I could be brought down by this. Given how common it is, you'd think that the medical world would find better treatments. But no-

• Rest, not too much. It could make it worse.
• Don't sit too long.
• Don't stand too long.
• No driving.
• No walking.
• Tylenol with Codeine
• That doesn't work- Percoset. (My kids loved watching me on that)
• Finally, Tylenol with Ibuprofen
• Then, Tylenol with Naproxen
• Now add Pregabalin for nerve pain (hopefully to stop taking so much Tylenol)
• Acupuncture (I've become a pin cushion)
• Laser therapy
• Ultrasound
• Traction
• Electro-stimulation
• Chiropractic adjustment
• Massage
• Magnesium

There's more, but I've begun to lose track. For two months I was a hermit. I went nowhere. I did nothing. I'd pace because sitting or standing was horribly painful. I couldn't sleep in my bed. But it makes you appreciate the little moments. I am happy when I get my own shoes on. I am happy when I sleep through the night. I am happy just to lie next to my husband in my bed. I am happy when I do not spend my day distracted by pain.

Soon I will take some time off work for the winter break. With stat holidays we have little time the office is open, and so we're closed the whole two weeks. It is a time for me to just enjoy and heal. No school schedules, no work phone calls, no running here, there, and everywhere. Just time to play, and maybe, just maybe, I'll leave the computer open, and the cats will again be able to sneak back onto my blog.

Vayishlach- When Torah Doesn't Have the Answer- Maybe There Isn't One

Vayomer Ya’akov el-Shimon v’el-Leivi a’khartem oti l’hav’isheini b’yosheiv ha’aretz ba’k’na’a’ni uva’p’rizi va’ani m’tei mispar v’ne’esfu alai v’hikuni v’nishmadti ani uveiti. Vayomru hakhzona ya’a’she et-achoteinu?

And Jacob said to Shimon and to Levi, “You have troubled me to make me odious to the inhabitants of the land: to the Canaanites and to the Perizzites, and I being few in number; they will gather against me and smite me, and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.” But they said, “As a harlot should he use our sister?”

Jacob is furious with Shimon and Levi. He is not incorrect. Their actions were beyond unacceptable in the ancient world. Jacob is the leader of his people. It was not uncommon that marriage was formed first from an abduction. He sees an opportunity to form a solid alliance. He looks beyond the moment to a future. Shimon and Levi’s actions could undermine the ability of the entire tribe to remain in the land they were given by God. The covenant required the actions of a people who could lay claim and maintain that claim.

But they said, “As a harlot should he use our sister?” To Shimon and Levi, that a man whom they saw as an uncircumcised heathen, could steal away their beloved sister was unconscionable. Perhaps Jacob saw only Dinah bat Leah, a girl who would need a marriage. Shekhem is wealthy and devoted. He “loved her and spoke comfortingly to her.” He is willing to pay whatever it takes to marry her. He could suit her well. Shimon and Levi do not see this. Perhaps they see a continuation of the disdain with which their own mother had been treated, both by her family and by Jacob.

The language of the text is in itself confusing. In the words of the text: Shekhem sees her. He takes her. He lies with her, and he humbles her. Dinah’s voice is absent. We have no way of knowing her mind. Rape is a crime of power and control. Was this action beyond her consent? There are those who read a seduction instead. She is dishonoured and humbled in that Shekhem does not seek her father’s permission first. It is not the way of marriage in Jacob’s tribe, but Shekhem does not seem to try to control. His heart clings to her so steadfastly he and his father are not only willing to convert themselves, but to convert their entire people. Is this the act of a rapist? Rabbi Moshe Reiss, a modern commentator, reminds us that Jacob kisses Rachel the first time he sees her, also unacceptable in their society. Maybe Jacob sees beyond the act to the feeling beneath. Furthermore, with a mother who never receives a kind word from her husband, would Dinah not wish to go with a man who does speak kind words of love? The only other description of rape in the Tanakh is the rape of Tamar by Amnon (2Samuel 13:14, 18). Amnon uses force to overpower Tamar. There is hatred. After raping her, he banishes her from the house in her torn clothes.

The story ends here. The Torah has no answer. Jacob is not wrong. The actions of Shimon and Levi were abhorrent. But neither are they wrong. There is no justice. The story ends tragically with permanent damage to the relationship between Jacob & his sons, and Dinah disappears from our narrative. It is unfulfilling and dissatisfactory. It is a story with which we are left to struggle eternally.

Pumpkin Cutting Day

Today is pumpkin cutting day. The pumpkin autopsy proved our findings of suicide in the pumpkin leap from Sunday. Before the cutting commenced, we determined the death of the second large pumpkin as well. The pumpkin on the right, was the one which jumped. You can see how much we had to cut away. The rot had really taken hold. The pumpkin on the left had given up it top third. Its end was sad, but it will live again in yummy, yummy food.

But the cutting didn't end there. There were gourds to cut. On pumpkin picking day, Gavi had brought home two wonderful gourds. Unfortunately, they too had begun to soften. The end had been slowed by placing them in the refrigerator, but they couldn't live forever. Today was the day they would go. But they did not go gentle into that good night. No, after an hour in the oven, the first exploded at first cut, erupting seeds onto the cutting board and beyond. The seeds flew at least a foot.

The mission now is to find enough recipes to fully fulfil the destiny of these great gourds. Tonight will be pumpkin fritters in honor of National Fritter Day (about which we only just learned, but it's today).

Pumpkin recipe suggestions welcome.

Christmas Time is Here by Golly

Christmas time is here. It's a time I love. I believe Christmas should be limited to an appropriate time frame. It should not appear after Halloween. American Thanksgiving provides a perfect division of fall to winter. Fall should follow this schedule:

• Labor Day-Canadian Thanksgiving/Columbus Day should be focused on back to school
• mid-October-Halloween can be focused on Halloween
• Early November should be devoted to our Veterans. I really like that there are two days in the US- Veterans Day, November 11, is devoted to honouring those vets still alive and, especially, those currently serving. It's a day to say thank you. Memorial Day is dedicated to the memory of Veterans who have died, especially those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Yes, because it is the May long weekend, and the weather is wonderful, it has been bastardized into a day of barbecues and beaches. However, I do remember parades and special ceremonies when I was a kid, and my kids always went to a Memorial Day ceremony when we lived in the States.
• mid-November-the end of November is harvest time focused on the end of the fall. It's all about pumpkins and apples, and hot cider or mulled wine. Thoughts turn to stockpiling wood for the fireplace and cleaning up for winter.
• The day after America Thanksgiving-December 25 can be for Christmas. Some feel it should stick to Advent, but what's a few extra days (as long as it's not an extra month). I prefer the religious Christmas with only a little commercial thrown in. Carols and other wintry music should be played. House lights hung and lit, none of this laziness of leaving lights up all year.

I think it's all great. I love seeing the lights. I have fond memories of decorating the tree at Kelly Woods' home with her family. They always invited my brother and me. In turn, Kelly shared many a Shabbat dinner and evening in the sukkah. I remember Christmas parties at our neighbour's home. I used to squeeze behind the tree, into the corner and grab the candy canes there. We were allowed to take any candy canes off the tree that couldn't be seen from the front. These weren't little, two-bite canes. They were big, and could last a week. I'd happily sit there, petting the dog, Taffy, her head in my lap, while I ate my giant candy cane. (Okay, it was normal sized, but I was small.) I love visiting Rockefeller Center and Fifth Avenue to see the tree and the windows. I love Christmas in New York. The streets smell of fir and cedar. People smile and speak to total strangers. It's like "Miracle on 34th Street."

Speaking of "Miracle on 34th Street," I love Christmas movies (and so-called Christmas movies). My annual list:

• Miracle on 34th Street
• It's a Wonderful Life 
• Love Actually (not a real Christmas movie, but associated with Christmas)
• The Holiday (see above- I watch these two all year)
• A Christmas Carol- the 1938 black & white version with Reginald Owen and Scrooge (1951) with Alistair Sim
• A Charlie Brown Christmas (I showed this to my kids tonight. I believe it's a cultural touchstone they've been missing. Other cultural touchstones they need- Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, plus The Year Without Santa Claus, which I loved, but soon disappeared. Yeah Youtube. They need to know their father's words to the song "Rudolph the Kosher Reindeer" are oh so wrong.
• While You Were Sleeping (Did I mention I like sappy, romantic chick flicks?)
• White Christmas
• Meet Me in St Louis (also not really a Christmas movie)

Keren & I have begun to hum carols. My favorite is "Carol of the Bells." Sean looked it up on Youtube for me by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra- great version. I also love it with just bells. I'm thinking that it'd be a great ringtone, especially in July. The guys are more likely to sing Tom Lehrer songs.

By the way, if you're ever in Hawaii for Christmas, check out the display in downtown Honolulu. Santa and Mrs. Claus have come for a vacation, and dressed the part. The decorations are great and Hawaiian themed instead of winter themed in a place without winter, which I always thought odd.

Finally, I love how people wish each other well. I don't care if you wish me a merry Christmas. The week before I'll wish everyone a happy Hanukah. I hope my December 25th is a merry day. I hope to spend it in toasty warm pajamas watching Christmas movies with my kids and drinking hot cocoa, warm cider, or maybe some irish coffee.  

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.