Twenty Snippets for Twenty Years

Sean & I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary this summer.  It has been a pretty darn good 20 years.  Here are 20 things about my husband and me you may or may not know.

1. My mother likes him best of all.  It's true.  We voted, my dad, my brother, and me.  It was unanimous.  When we announced the results, my mother didn't argue.

2. Sean isn't really romantic, but tries really hard for me.  I am a romance sap.  I love romantic movies, TV shows, books, commercials.  I can cry at anything- hallmark cards and sappy commercials get me every time.  Sean simply doesn't think this way.  It's practical and works for us, but often fails in the romance department.

3. Sean is a grammarian, and it's rubbed off on me.  I was probably more of a grammarian than I would have admitted when I met him.  I knew and adhered to grammar rules, but it's gotten worse.  I once corrected an essay for one of my USYers (it wasn't given to me corrected, but I couldn't help myself).  Marrying Sean has just made this worse.  Our children (and grandchildren I hope) may be the last on earth to use who and whom correctly.

4. Sean is a punster, and it hasn't rubbed off on me at all.  I come from a family of punsters.  The result is I tend to simply pretend it isn't happening. When Sean met my extended family for the first time, and heard all the puns, he said, "What happened to you and your brother?"  No, I cannot control him.  In fact, if he tries to keep it in he may explode.  I saw this once.  It wasn't pretty.

5. Sean hates laundry.  The first year we were married he didn't do a single load of laundry.  Even now he will only do it under duress, and only folds the square things (unless forced by guilt).  I usually let him get away with this.

6. Sean dances goofily around the room.  I don't laugh at his jokes so he is always looking for other ways to make me laugh.  I like physical humor (Dick Van Dyke, Abbot & Costello), so he tries for that.  It's so ridiculous I usually end up laughing.

7. We laugh a lot in bed.  Silly things happen when couples are tired and sharing their days.  Some of the laughter comes from ridiculous things we say, others from moments and happenings we could never actually share with others.  Laughter is great foreplay.

8. Sean falls asleep while I am talking to him.  This happens on a regular basis.  I am a night owl and he is a morning person.  He "pumpkins" (his word, taken from turning into a pumpkin) at about 10:30 PM. After that his brain slowly shuts off.  He often has full conversations he cannot remember or falls asleep mid-word.

9. Sean makes a killer omelet.  I cannot.  Actually I probably can, but I do not have the patience for it.  I always end up with scrambled eggs.  Sean can do it, so I just let him.

10. We both love chick flicks and action-adventure movies equally.  The night we found out I was pregnant with Keren was the night before Sean's university roommate's wedding.  Scott wanted to go out, and I wanted to sleep, so with my blessing the two guys headed out.  Did they play pool?  Did they go to a bar?  No.  They saw Serendipity.  I bet others in the theater thought they were a couple.  On the other hand, we both love the Dirty Dozen and the scene in Sleepless in Seattle that makes fun of it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coOYa4h98M4).  Actually, I may even like blow-them-up, action flicks more than Sean.

11. Sean like to think he's an in the moment/fly by the seat of his pants guy, but he really doesn't change his plans quickly.  Even when he's flying by the seat of his pants- he is sure of his trajectory.

12. Sean proposed on the side of the road, in the dark, and woke me to do it.  We were driving cross-country from LA to NY.  Neither of us loved LA, so Sean planned to propose on the border after we left California.  A romantic attempt (and very well conceived).  Unfortunately, we crossed the border in the middle of the night.  There was no where to pull over, and I was sleeping.  So, plans awry, he pulled over as soon as he had the opportunity; turned down the radio (down, not off); woke me, and said, "Will you marry me?"  I replied, "You pulled over to ask me that?"  We were headed to the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, snow-capped mountains in Colorado, a beautiful campsite in Kansas, St Louis, Chicago, and NY, and he proposed in the dark, in the middle of no where.  I took a picture of this first thing we saw after he proposed.  It's a sign that says, "Unloading of livestock prohibited."

13. I yell, but Sean holds a grudge.  Not serious ones, it's the silly things about which he's bitter.  Actually, I think he likes the story.  Here are two grudges: a) He only got 1 bite of our wedding cake.  The morning after we had to go back to my parents home to get our stuff due to an accident with a can of Raid (Don't ask). Sean saw the top layer of our wedding cake, and took a huge slice.  I made him put it back so it could be frozen for our first anniversary.  On our first anniversary we were at Ramah Poconos, no where near the cake.  We never saw it again.  It was yummy too.  Bummer.  b) We never went to Turkey.  When we were in Israel for our first year of marriage, Sean wanted to go to Turkey.  He wanted to take an overnight ferry where we'd reserve a deck chair for sleeping.  I said no.  We went to Tzfat and bought an Ebgi artist's print of a wedding scene instead.  He loves the print, but still complains about Turkey.  Last week when I was angry at him Sean asked if the yelling was helping the situation.  I said, "Yes!  It's getting my frustration at you out!"  He let me yell.

14. We are Lady & the Tramp.  We didn't want a traditional bride and groom as a cake topper, so we spent months looking.  Finally, frustrated, I saw a ceramic Lady and the Tramp in the Disney store.  I bought it; had it wrapped, and brought it back to Sean's parents' house.  When Sean opened it his mother said, "Oh my God, it's perfect." and so it was.

15. Neither of us can teach without the other interrupting.  Anyone who's seen us teach knows this.  When one of us is teaching the other either interrupts or makes comments from the sidelines.  About 6 years ago we decided we'd each run 1 seder, Sean one night, me another, since our styles are very different.  That lasted almost until we finished singing the order of the seder.

16. Together we make the perfect rabbi.  For undergrad Sean majored in psych.  I majored in sociology, specializing in the Jewish community.  At JTS Sean concentrated on Talmud.  I concentrated on History.  Sean took more halakhah classes.  I took more Bible, plus all the pastoral psych I could get.  Sean's military background offers a wide range of experience.  I've seen synagogue life from all sides.  We both have education experience, hospital experience, and counselling experience.  Most of the time we arrive at the same decision, but our paths to get there rarely cross, although they often parallel.  We are each wonderful rabbis, but together- watch out.

17. We have blanket wars.  Sean is a blanket thief.  No matter the temperature or the size of the blanket,  each night he rolls over, grabs the blanket, and pulls.  It's like a dog turning around before sleeping.  It can't be stopped.  I wait until he drifts off an give a huge yank.  Even so, I lose the war most of the time.

18. I am Sean's Rashi.  Sean's odd sense of humor leads him to make comments in the oddest of places (both physical places and figurative places). It often leaves others staring oddly at him in wonderment.  While I usually ignore his strange quips, in these moments I try to jump in to bring clarity to the moment, like Rashi explaining a difficult piece of Talmud.

19. Sean and I each have three addictions.  The first we share- books.  If we had to choose between food and books, we'd probably choose books.  The second we sort of share.  I am a TV/movie addict.  Sean claims to not like TV, but is more of an addict than I.  An addict cannot control his addiction.  When given just a little bit, he is drawn in, absorbed by the addiction.  TV is that for Sean.  I watch while doing a million other things.  Sean is drawn in, fully absorbed to the detriment of all else.  The result is he avoids all TV, but really feeds the addiction vicariously through me.  The third is independent.  I am addicted to fudge.  Sean loves scratch-off lottery tickets, and buys them wherever we go.  I think my addictions are more satisfying, but his are probably cheaper.

20. Twenty years into our marriage, and we are even more content and in love than ever.  It's true, everything really does better with age.

Happy (almost) anniversary to my wonderful, fun, trying to be romantic, goofy, grammar-tested, brilliant, loving husband.  Here's to another 20 years, and then another.

I love you.

Parashat Shlach Lecha- If You Choose Not To Decide You Still Have Made A Choice

Vatisa kol ha’eidah vayitnu et kolam vayivku ha’am balaila hahu. Vayilonu al Moshe v’al Aharon kol b’nei Yisrael vayomru aleihem kol haeidah lu matnu b’eretz Mitzraiyim o bamidbar hazeh lu matnu.

And the entire congregation lifted their voice and cried, and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moshe and against Aaron, and the whole congregation said, “If only we had died in the land of Egypt or that we had died in this wilderness.” (B’midbar 14:1-2)

We see time and again that the children of Israel are dissatisfied with their lot. It is not as if they had to go on faith alone; this generation is the generation of miracles. They experience God’s power first-hand. And yet, even having witnessed God’s defeat of Egypt, faced with difficulties, they cannot move forward. They are paralyzed by fear. The spies have just returned with their report. There is no discussion. There is no debate. As one the entire congregation, men, women, and children, lift up their voices to cry out. They do not cry to God. They do not even cry to Moshe or to Aaron. They cry out to no one. Even as one they are alone. Although they have experienced God’s presence, they cannot feel it. They cry alone in the dark. The children of Israel, having grown up in slavery, cannot imagine a different future. A slave cannot make his/her own future. They can wish for freedom, but freedom will likely only come with death. This is a reality they can understand. It is a reality that makes sense in their experience. It is a shared communal experience, one that transcends individual personalities. They were slaves, lacking personal destiny, hopes and dreams. The result is, when faced with a difficult choice, the choice to give up or to fight hard for this changed destiny, they make no choice.

There is a song, by the band Rush, called “Freewill.” It seems as if it could be about our parasha. The last line of the first verse is “blame is better to give than receive.” The chorus goes on, “You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that’s clear, I will choose freewill.” The Israelites choose not to decide. They do not rally behind the spies who gave the negative report. They simply raise their collective voice in a fearful cry. They will not follow God. They will not follow Caleb and Joshua or Moshe and Aaron. In doing so they seek to place blame for their impotence. They murmur against Moshe and Aaron, those who would push them to decide. In doing so they wish for a life where they could make no decisions, the life of a slave, a life without responsibility where death was the only end.

In the end this is what b’nei Yisrael receive. By choosing not to decide they have made a choice to die in the wilderness. This generation is doomed to die before entering the land, victim not so much of divine punishment but of spiritual paralysis.

Parashat B'ha'alot'cha- Every One A Prophet

Umi yitein kol am A-donai n’vi’im ki yitein A-donai et rucho aleihem.

If only all A-donai’s people were prophets because A-donai placed the spirit of God upon them. (B’midbar 11:29)

Vayomru harak ach b’Moshe dibeir A-donai halo gam banu dibeir vayishma A-donai.

And they said, ‘Has A-donai spoken only through Moshe? Hasn’t A-donai also spoken through us?’ (B’midbar 12:2)

There’s an old Jewish joke- the presidents of the US and Israel have a meeting. They share their problems, each trying to impress the other. Eventually the American president says, “Mr. President, you must understand that I am president of close to two million while Israel has just over 2000 people.” Israel’s president replies, “Yes Mr. President, but I am president of 2000 presidents.”

Throughout our history the question of leadership has been difficult. We question everything, and answer questions with more questions. Even after revelation at Sinai we cannot simply accept God’s leadership and direction on faith. The Children of Israel continue to question God and Moshe. In order to establish understanding among the Israelites, God instructs Moshe to find seventy elders, and to bring them to the Ohel Moed. Two elders, Eldad and Medad, do not participate. They remain in the midst of the camp. Nevertheless, as chosen elders they are still imbued with the spirit of prophecy, and uncontrollably begin to speak this prophecy among the people. Seeing this, Joshua is greatly concerned about what he sees as, a threat to Moshe’s authority. Joshua runs to Moshe to report, demanding that Eldad and Medad be contained. Moshe answers with a retort, “If only all A-donai’s people were prophets because A-donai placed the spirit of God upon them.” Later in the parasha Aaron and Miriam speak out against Moshe. After the seventy elders enter the Ohel Moed and Eldad and Medad prophesize, Aaron and Miriam are frustrated with their own lack of recognition as leaders among the people. God overhears their dissent. Moshe is too humble to speak up for himself, but for his sake God is angry. God calls the three of them to the Ohel Moed, where, it seems, God gives them a stern talking to.

On the one hand the end of the parasha seems to be playing out a parent/child scenario. God is chastising His children. He has overheard Miriam and Aaron ganging up on their younger brother, and seeks to ensure they realize they cannot force God’s had. On the other hand, God continuously chooses His leaders and prophets. Past leadership is not a guarantee for the future. When a leader becomes too complacent, too haughty, or too self-righteous s/he forfeits his/her position as a leader in the community. The honour of leadership is one that must be continually earned and bestowed each day.

Walking With Israel

Each year we participate in the Walk With Israel.  It's supposedly the largest Israel-related event outside Israel.  It's the most fascinating event.  Spend a Sunday morning walking in downtown Toronto with 15,000 friends and relatives.

You arrive at Coronation Park to crowds of people.  You think you'll never find anyone you know, but then, first one, then another, then another.  You see everyone you've ever met.  Okay, not everyone, but lots of people.  The walk begins.  We immediately lose Keren.  She was last seen with a couple of friends, and so, although we're in a crowd of 15,000 people, we don't even blink.  Somehow we'll find her later.  Through the various bottlenecks along the road, Sean and I also get separated.  I walk with a friend, our kids are together, and we're following them.  Jesse wanders off one way.  Sean's somewhere else.  Yet somehow, at the end of the walk, Gavi and I find Keren, then Jesse, then, Sean.  Every time we get separated.  Every time we find each other.

Beyond this amazing happenstance the walk itself has its own quirks.  It's a great photo-op.  Politicians flock.  There aren't rest stops.  There are nosh stops.  Each year the banners increase- all the schools, political parties, organizations, camps.  This year I saw a flag from a secular camp.  It's a camp with a large Jewish population, but not a Jewish camp.  Obviously they see this as a great advertising opportunity.  The organizations sponsoring nosh stops have increased.  It's no longer UJA and the companies donating the nosh.  Synagogues, camps, and other organizations don't just walk, they sponsor.  There are also the Christian groups, complete with their own t-shirts.  This year's quoted Isaiah 40- 'Be comforted; be comforted My people,' says your God.  It's an interesting quote.  It's one I love (and a great song too), but not one I'd pick for a celebratory day.

Unfortunately there are also negatives.  At the Walk's start there is a group of Neturei Karta protesting Israel.  There are only 10 of them and 15,000 of us, but it makes me sick to my stomach to see them.  Their ideas are so warped.  It's sickening to see Jews aligning themselves with Holocaust deniers.  Towards the end of the Walk are the pro-Palestinian protesters.  One had a sign saying, "Ask your parents about the wall."  I assumed they didn't mean the Kotel.  I turned around and told Gavi and the other kids all about the security wall- how it's cut terrorism, how the Israeli courts have insisted that it be moved at times to protect the rights of those cut off by it, how no one complained when the US talked about a wall on the US/Mexico border, and the Mexicans aren't bombing LA.  There aren't many protesters- less than two dozen, but it always leads to a discussion of how sad it is when people believe what they hear without bothering to check the facts.

Still, the numbers supporting Israel are overwhelming.  15,000 estimated this year.  It's an orderly crowd, relaxed, smiling, no one in a hurry.  We're all there to support each other, and we're all out for a lovely Sunday together.

Pleasant dreams.

Birthdays & Other Celebrations

Saturday is my birthday.  I love birthdays!  Every one should be celebrated.  Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, any time you have a reason to celebrate- CELEBRATE!

Sean is not quite on board with my version of celebration.  He's all for quiet evening at home with family and a couple of friends.  I believe party means inviting everyone you know and love.  The more the merrier!

Presents, while nice, are not important.  It's the thought- not the thought behind a gift, but the "I'm thinking of you and I care" thought.  That means just saying happy birthday (BTW, Facebook helps with this).  It means acknowledging the day.  If you actually live with me it needs to be remembered on the day.  Everyone else gets a week leeway before and after (or more- as I said, it's the thought that counts).

Sean has ordered me a "surprise birthday cake."  That's what he called it when he called to ask me about the flavors.  Chocolate ice cream with pistachios and M&M's.  Yum.

Next up- twenty year anniversary.  That definitely deserves a big party.  Hope to see you there.

Rocky Mountain Jewgrass- Like a Conversation With Old Friends

Sean and I just spent two days with the members of the band Rocky Mountain Jewgrass.  They had come to Toronto to play at the Pride of Israel for a gala concert during Jewish Music Week.  The concert was great.  The energy high for both the band and the audience.  It made for a great night.  If you have a venue looking for a great group definitely check them out- http://rockymountainjewgrass.com/.

But there's more-  Sean spent a lot of time in the planning with Saul Rosenthal, his contact for the band.  They were not only great on stage, but so wonderful to work with in the days and months leading up to the concert.  In the back and forth of emails Sean got to know Saul, Ben Cohen, Gail deVore, and Eric Roberts through their plans and shared bad puns.  When Sean planned a BBQ for the band and our major donors, Saul suggested the band play a little.  He also suggested POI clergy sing a couple of songs at the show.

Finally Jewish Music Week arrived.  Sean picked up the band at the airport, and brought them back to our house.  After a bit of a stretch and some freshening up, we all sat on the deck.  A bit of music, a bit of song, and a bit of Jewish geography.  Turns out Eric grew up two blocks from where I grew up.

The day after the concert we had to say goodbye.  It was strangely difficult.  The band met at our home to go to the airport.  Although we'd only met face to face two days earlier, it seemed natural to share a cup of coffee at our kitchen table.

There are people you know for years who never quite enter the world of friend, and then there are friends you are just waiting to meet.  Saul, Ben, Gail, and Eric are definitely in the second category.

It's My Turn #20, by Nora T. Cat

Well they caught me.  I thought I had them.  They seemed to be comfortable with my meanderings around the yard.  I waited until they were engaged in conversation.  They were comfortably sitting in the corner of the yard, talking.  Jen had her back to me.  I slowly walked to the tomato plants; glanced back once, and leapt.  I almost made it.  I made just one mistake.  Just before I leapt I quietly meowed.  Jen caught it (damn her sensitive hearing), and quickly turned, yelling as she did so.  Her yell threw me off, and I miss-jumped. I scrambled up to the top of the fence, but it was too late.  I'd been caught.  In a moment Jen was standing just below me; Sean right behind her.  I was within their grasp.  I gave up and jumped back to the yard.  I walked back to the deck, and sat down.  My moment had passed.

Now Jen and Sean won't let me out.  I got them back.  I peed on the porch.  Bwahaha!

Until next time.....

Parashat B'ha'aot'cha- Leadership

Umi yitein kol am A-donai n’vi’im ki yitein A-donai et rucho aleihem.

If only all A-donai’s people were prophets because A-donai placed the spirit of God upon them. (B’midbar 11:29)

Vayomru harak ach b’Moshe dibeir A-donai halo gam banu dibeir vayishma A-donai.

And they said, ‘Has A-donai spoken only through Moshe? Hasn’t A-donai also spoken through us?’ (B’midbar 12:2)

There’s an old Jewish joke- the presidents of the US and Israel have a meeting. They share their problems, each trying to impress the other. Eventually the American president says, “Mr. President, you must understand that I am president of close to two million while Israel has just over 2000 people.” Israel’s president replies, “Yes Mr. President, but I am president of 2000 presidents.”

Throughout our history the question of leadership has been difficult. We question everything, and answer questions with more questions. Even after revelation at Sinai we cannot simply accept God’s leadership and direction on faith. The Children of Israel continue to question God and Moshe. In order to establish understanding among the Israelites, God instructs Moshe to find seventy elders, and to bring them to the Ohel Moed. Two elders, Eldad and Medad, do not participate. They remain in the midst of the camp. Nevertheless, as chosen elders they are still imbued with the spirit of prophecy, and uncontrollably begin to speak this prophecy among the people. Seeing this, Joshua is greatly concerned about, what he sees as, a threat to Moshe’s authority. Joshua runs to Moshe to report, demanding that Eldad and Medad be contained. Moshe answers with a retort, “If only all A-donai’s people were prophets because A-donai placed the spirit of God upon them.” Later in the parasha Aaron and Miriam speak out against Moshe. After the seventy elders enter the Ohel Moed and Eldad and Medad prophesize, Aaron and Miriam are frustrated with their own lack of recognition as leaders among the people. God overhears their dissent. Moshe is too humble to speak up for himself, but for his sake God is angry. God calls the three of them to the Ohel Moed, where, it seems, God gives them a stern talking to.

On the one hand the end of the parasha seems to be playing out a parent/child scenario. God is chastising His children. He has overheard Miriam and Aaron ganging up on their younger brother, and seeks to ensure they realize they cannot force God’s had. God continuously chooses His leaders and prophets. Past leadership is not a guarantee for the future. When a leader becomes too complacent, too haughty, or too self-righteous s/he forfeits his/her position as a leader in the community. The honour of leadership is one that must be continually earned and bestowed each day.

It's My Turn #19, By Nora T. Cat

Gandalf is so not the King of the Bed.  Yes, it is true that he jumped into my sleeping spot, although not really so lightly.  How can he do anything lightly?!  Yes, I left, but only to get a drink after being awoken by him jumping in my face.  No on would like that.  I made my displeasure plain, and left to get a drink.  Knowing he'd better not stay in my space, Gandalf walked to his side of the bed.  By the time I returned He'd settled into his spot leaving mine wide open.  I merely leaped to the foot board; walked across, and settled back into my still warm spot.  It is I, and always I who is victorious.

Kitty Blog #17, by Gandalf the Grey

I am King of the Bed.  Tonight I leapt lightly upon the bed to where Nora was sleeping and took back the space without a fight.  Nora retreated.  I am the King!  Now if I could only consolidate my space from the backyard to the bed I would be the #1 cat!  I only need a little bit of time and a plan.

Little Pink Sock

I like comics.  A favorite comic is Mutts.  It is the life of Mooch, a cat, and Earl, a dog.  As a cat owner, Mooch often reminds me of the cats in my life.  One repeating story involves a "little pink sock."  Mooch loves his sock, often sacrificing other activities to be with his sock.

Nora has a little pink sock.  It has not always been pink.  First she had a little red mitten.  It was actually a sleeve from a wintertime Starbucks gift card.  She loved this mitten, sleeping with it, playing with it, but it was never as significant as Mooch's pink sock.  One day the mitten vanished.  We never figured out where it went.  In the absence of the little red mitten Nora began to steal socks.  Eventually I found a small sock that I was able to substitute for our actual socks.  It was baby sized, yellow with pink stripes.  I filled it with catnip.  It became Nora's life.  She carried it everywhere.  She slept with it.  She played with it.  She loved this sock.

Unfortunately, we can't find the sock.  Like the little red mitten it has vanished.  Perhaps Nora has a stash somewhere with the mitten, the sock, and all our missing single socks.  In the meantime, Nora has gone back to stealing our socks.  I find balled up socks, freshly folded from the laundry, in the hall, in the dining room, in the basement, on the steps, all over the house.  I never know where my socks will end up.

So, if you're ever in my house and you see socks in a strange place, don't blame me.  It's Nora's fault.

Parashat Naso- "And I Will Bless Them"

Yevare’ch’cha A-donai v’yish’m’recha. Ya’eir A-donai panav eilecha vikhunecha. Yisa A-donai eilecha v’yaseim lecha shalom.

V’samu et shmi al b’nei Yisrael va’ani avarcheim.

May the Lord bless and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord raise His countenance to you and grant you peace.

And they will place My name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them. (B’midbar 6:24-27)

Birkat Kohanim, the Priestly Blessing, used in the Amidah, as the parents’ blessing, and sometimes under the huppah, comes from this week’s parasha. As Rabbi Hertz points out in his commentary, “The text consists of three short verses, of three, five, and seven words respectively.” The poetic verse “mounts by gradual stages from the petition for material blessing and protection to that for Divine favour as a spiritual blessing, and in beautiful climax culminates in the petition for God’s most consummate gift, shalom, peace.” But the text goes beyond words.  It is said that the Torah is black fire written on white fire. Not only are the words important- the choice of words, their meaning, and even their shape- but so too the white space, the white fire around the words. The spaces in Torah text lead us to further knowledge beyond the written text. Openings and closings, spaces between books, columns and lattice, all these are present in the Torah. In the calligraphy of Birkat Kohanim the words are written in such a way that the white space creates a second handprint surrounding the hand-shaped verse. God’s unseen hand embraces and directs the blessing.

The blessing is delivered by the kohanim, the priests in Judaism. However, we have a tradition that each among us has the potential to hear God. We have no hierarchy that requires a priest to act as our conduit to speak to, or hear from, God. The Talmud teaches that the Israelites were upset, saying, “We want God’s blessing.” Therefore, in case we missed the hidden message of God’s hand holding the hand of the Kohein in His, the text tells us that God replies, “V’samu et shmi al b’nei Yisrael va’ani avarcheim.” “And they will place My name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them.” God tells us that the blessing does not come from the priests, but from God.  But there is also a lesson in this reminder.  We must be sure to look beyond the obvious to see the hidden beauty and message beyond that which can be observed.

B'midbar- Into the Wilderness

With this parasha, we begin the book of B’midbar. B’midbar- In the Wilderness- is also known as the book of Numbers. It is in this wilderness where transformation of the people happens. The population ebbs and grows creating a new, stronger people from out of B’nei Yisrael. The older generation, ultimately fated to die in the desert, passes on its teachings, both the successes and the mistakes, to the younger, lessons of faith and lessons of action. 

This week also marks the 31^st anniversary of my becoming bat mitzvah. Thirty-one years ago I was not as interested in the lesson of the parasha or the haftarah as I was in leading the parts of the service I could and being able to sit on the bima next to our hazan. What I didn’t know was the connection my life would have to the parasha. Not only were the Israelites entering into a wilderness of unknowns, but, as a new teen and Jewish adult, so was I.

B’midbar is a book of firsts. The Torah is continuing to evolve. From Sinai on God continues to give instruction. It is not a stagnant text. Explanation and illumination continue. The connection to the land of Israel as our ancestral home grows within this Israelite generation, individuals who had known no other land, only the wilderness. We may be in the midbar, but we are looking towards home. As if connected to that vision, my parents planned our first trip to Israel. It would be the first of many for each of us, although the only trip we took as a family. Thirty-one years later, I am in a similar place. It is Rav Sean’s and my turn to plan our family’s first trip to Israel. Now until next spring will be a year of celebration as both Gavriel and Keren become b’nei mitzvah just under a year apart. This will be followed by a trip to Israel. We will be celebrating their newfound Jewish adulthood and responsibility, not looking towards our homeland, but on the Tayelet overlooking Yerushalayim.

Israel is itself on the edge of a wilderness. With a change in party power in the government, with excitement about a unified yet pluralist Jewish observance, we do not know what path Israel will follow. But, taking with us the lessons of the past, we look toward our homeland with excitement for the future.

Thirty-one years ago I celebrated my bat mitzvah, sans tallit, sans aliyah. In Israel I watched, from behind the mechitza, as the boys on our trip celebrated at the Kotel. I celebrated atop Masada. Now, coming out of the wilderness, we look toward our children celebrating together, davenning at Robinson’s Arch, aka the Masorti Kotel, and each, in his and her tallit and t’fillin, having an aliyah laTorah in Israel.  We hope you will join us.

It's My Turn #18, by Nora T. Cat

Yesterday Jen & Sean spent most of the day working in the backyard.  This was my chance to lull them into a false sense of security.  Once there they will let me out with impunity.

First I look adorable as I gaze longingly out the back door.  Then, I meow plaintively. When allowed out I quickly run and hide under the deck.  I only emerge after 15-20 minutes.  Then I make a careful circle around the yard, never venturing too close to the fence.  I meow sweetly at Jen & Sean whenever they are near or look at me.  Finally, I lie down in the brightest sunbeam in the centre of the yard, stretching out as if I have no other care in the world.

I know they fell for it.  Gandalf tried to throw me off my game a few times, but I just hissed at him, and told him to stay out of my business.  Next week I'll stretch my scheme into walking the perimeter.

It's My Turn #17, by Nora T. Cat

I am typing this from the lap of my human, Jennifer.  She left me in the house all day while she worked in the yard.  Sometimes, it's so frustrating not to have thumbs.  I've tried and tried to open the screen door with my nose and paws, but it just won't slide properly.  Gandalf was outside of course.  He gets to run free almost whenever he wants.  Eventually, Jen turned on the sprinkler, and Gandalf was chasing the water.  How ridiculous?  He was soaking wet by the time he came in.

Anyway, Jen worked outside for most of the day, ignoring me.  When she came in she finally sat down in my favorite chair.  I love to sit on her lap in that chair.  It's my spot.  Tonight she sat with the computer open for me, dozing off, so I can type.

Pleasant dreams.

The Demise of My Nimrod Sandals, z"l

Twenty years ago Sean & I were spending our first year of marriage in Israel.  One of the first things we bought after moving into our apartment was a pair of Nimrod sandals for each of us.  This was my second pair of Nimrods.  I bought a pair in 1985 on USY Pilgrimage.  I wore that pair all summer, every summer for many years.  It lived a good life, but eventually fell apart.

I loved that pair of sandals, and so, a new pair was one of the first purchases I made when I returned to Israel.  I have worn those wonderful, biblical-style sandals from the first warm day of spring to the last warm day of fall for almost twenty years.  They have been my favorite sandals.  The wonderful thing about Israeli, biblical sandals is their versatility.  They go with jeans.  They go with shorts.  They go with slacks for work, and dressses for synagogue or a night out.  They can be worn for a nice evening or at the beach.  They are the most versatile footwear ever.

On Thursday my fav Nimrods met their demise.  The soles cracked, and flaked off.  In one hour my favorite Israeli sandals were no more.  I have a second pair, black, single strap, bought three years later, but they have never won my heart the way that pair I bought during my first year on marriage did.

On July 1 Sean & I will celebrate our 20th anniversary.  We are planning a trip back to Israel for July 2014.  We'll be running a tour for the first 11 days, followed by two weeks of family time.  The first moment I have, I'll be buying a new pair of brown, strappy, biblical, Israeli sandals to break in during those weeks in Israel.  I hope they'll last me another 20 years.

To find out more about our trip, or to join us, contact me at mercaz-masorti@intrr.net.

Lessons I Learned Form Harry Potter and Other Storybooks

In my last post I wrote about the power of love and loyalty in overcoming evil, hate, and terror.  Even as I was writing the thought struck me that I was writing the theme of Harry Potter.  The power of love must triumph over evil.  It made me laugh, but didn't stop me from writing it.  It's cliche.  It seems trite.  And yet, it's true.  Terrorism seeks to destroy good feelings by breading fear and anger.

Stories, television, movies may be fiction, but they also share important lessons.  Mr. Rogers realized this.  He sought to use the power of tv media for good, extreme good.

Harry Potter, public broadcasting, Frog & Toad books, and so much more.  We can learn so much from positive stories with strong characters.

Love will conquer evil.  Harry Potter will win the day.

Standing With Boston

I grew up in Merrick, NY, on Long Island.  I lived there for 18 years before heading to Boston.  It is the home to which I returned when not in school.  NYC was a playground for me as teen.  We'd drive in or take the train, and head to the Village, the West Side, Central Park, Times Square, all over.  In 2001 I was driving back to NY.  As I crossed the Verrazano bridge into Brooklyn I switched to the news station for a traffic report.  The first plane hit the north tower seconds later.  Moments after that the towers come into view.  Smoke is pouring from the impact site.  The security of my first home had been destroyed.  It changed New York and New Yorkers.  Famous for their lack of eye-contact in the street as they rush from place to place, suddenly people slowed in the street, they smiled at each other.  People looked for connection amidst our shared pain and sorrow.  Everyone had a story.  Everyone had been touched.

On April 15 two homemade bombs were detonated at the Boston Marathon.  I spent four years at Brandeis University, in Waltham outside Boston.  I had decided I wanted to go to university in Boston when I was 10.  I decided on Brandeis when I was 15.  It is a city I love, and a city I consider home.  Once again a home of mine had been violated.  Waltham was among the cities on lock down to find the suspect.  In the weeks that have followed, again we are dominated by the stories. This time its not only the stories of the victims, witnesses, and survivors.  We also have the stories of the perpetrators.  We want so much more than connections with those like us.  We want to understand.  We somehow want reassurance that this won't happen again.

Unfortunately that is a goal of terrorism.  It doesn't really matter if these brothers were connected to a larger cell or organization.  There are and always will be those who are hate-filled, and they will be able to recruit the disaffected.  It does not matter if these individuals connect or not.  We must be ever vigilant, while they need only to succeed once.  But in all cases we must not allow them to win.  The win is not the success in bombing.  The win is the terror.  It is the fear and the suspicion bred through post-tramatic stress that prevents us from going on with our lives.  The terrorists won the battle in 2001 when they glued each of us to our television sets with despair, but we came back stronger.  We hugged our children and each other, and we changed the channel.  We went on.  Love, honor, and loyalty make us stronger than those who hate.  As long as we stand together, as long as we can hold onto this we will continue to win, and to build a better world.

Parashat Behar-B'hukotai- And I Will Walk Among You

V’hithalachti b’toch’chem v’hayiti lachem l’Eilohim v’atem ti’h’yu li l’am.

And I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be My people.  (Vayikra 26:12)

From Avraham on, Jews have had a personal and intimate relationship with God. Our matriarchs and patriarchs received direct prophecy, speaking “face to face” with God. But beyond our ancestors and prophets, Midrash teaches us that each of us heard God. We all stood at Sinai, the souls of Jews from previous generations and all Jewish souls to follow. It’s an important midrash in the acceptance of converts. All Jewish souls stood at Sinai, whether born as Jews or choosing Judaism later. Together we heard the lightning; we saw the thunder. Together we stood at Sinai, and God spoke to all of us.

This relationship is not a momentary occurrence. God continues to speak to us. Whether it is direct, as in the case of Moshe or the elders who receive prophecy in the wilderness, through the cloud of visions as our prophets received God’s word, or indirect inspiration as in the Talmud or subsequent centuries, we can all still hear God’s voice. In fact God tells us that the divine presence will be present throughout our lives, “I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be My people.”

It is however, a covenantal relationship. “I will be your God.” “You will be My people.” One cannot exist without the other. This is, in fact, more important than anything else in Judaism. We are interestingly not commanded to believe in God, but we must exist in relationship with God. This could be best explained with Martin Buber’s “I-Thou” discussions. To merely believe would be to see God as something outside and beyond us, creating an “I-It” relationship. We don’t ask others to believe in our existence. It’s unimportant. We know we exist, and we do not need others to confirm this. Instead, we expect to have relationships, to interact, to share with and care about each other. This is the nature of the “I-Thou” relationship. Each of us relates to the other as we would hope they would relate to us. Our relationship with God is personal and intimate. We continue to speak to God personally, but do we expect God to answer? 

God does speak to us. We need to learn to listen. God is in the details. The Shechina is God’s presence dwelling among us. It is presence in the quiet moments, in our joy and in our fear. In Behukotai we are told that our enemies will be pursued by the sound of a driven leaf (Vayikra 26:36). If God will follow our enemies with only the sound of a driven leaf, then, if we truly live in relationship with God, we must listen even more closely for the still, small voice of the Shechina. It is not an easy task. Even Elijah struggled with this. Following the murder of all other prophets by Jezebel in I Kings, Elijah complains to God that he is alone. God instructs him to stand on a mountain to be in God’s presence. God sends wind that breaks the rocks, and earthquake and a fire, but God was not in any of these great feats of nature. After all this noise and business, God speaks to Elijah in the “still, small voice.” If Elijah, one of God’s greatest prophets, who merited being taken straight to heaven without dying, had trouble discerning God’s voice, how much the more so do we need to listen with open minds and hearts.

As our seasons move from winter to spring, and we approach matan Torah, the giving of the Torah, let’s all listen closely for God’s voice in the moments we share with each other and with God.