Just Turn Around- Yom Kippur

Part of the morning reading for Yom Kippur is taken from Ahrei Mot, describing the ritual of Yom Kippur.  As part of Aaron’s preparation, he must first do teshuvah for himself.  The haftarah reading, from Isaiah, speaks of the path to teshuvah.  It comforts us saying that if we only turn to God and the mitzvot that God will be there to accept us.  We merely need to turn around.

Still, just the telling that God will be there if we only turn to him is not a recipe for success.  Even knowing how to do something, we may still have trouble accomplishing it. 

Yom Kippur afternoon we read the book of Jonah.  Jonah is a story that illustrates teshuvah.  It teaches that the path to teshuvah is not direct.  Jonah runs, arriving in Tarshish, and boards a ship, reminiscent of Adam and Eve hiding from God in Eden.  Quickly realizing that it is impossible to hide from God, Jonah has the sailors throw him overboard.  He is willing to sacrifice himself for their safety.  God is connected to Jonah through this act of teshuvah, but Jonah is still not ready to make the full turn.  Jonah still needs to hit rock bottom, to be taken to the depths of despair, illustrated by Jonah’s existence in the belly of a great fish.  When Jesse was a child, he used to refer to the bottom of the sea as the deep, dark depths.  The deep, dark depths is a great analogy for Jonah’s place in the belly of the whale.  From here he turns to God, ready to follow through.  The fish spits him back on dry land, and Jonah continues on his journey to Nineveh.  He follows God’s command, announcing his prophecy, and heads off to watch the results.  But teshuvah is not a straight path.  Jonah falls back into despair, putting his own comfort ahead of the welfare of all of Nineveh in his heart, dipping back to despair and heading out again.

Jonah is a lesson not to lose face.  Teshuvah is not a straight path.  We do not wake one day to move from darkness to light, never to see the darkness again.  It’s a reminder that to be human is to live in a cycle.  There are times when we feel like we are in those depths, existing in the belly of the fish.  When we are prepared to call out, help will answer.  We may lose our way, but we are never so far that we cannot return. 

“Lo hayu yamim tovim l’Yisrael khamisha asar b’Av u’hYom HaKipporim.”  “There were never such joyous days for Israel as the 15^th of Av and Yom Kippur” (Mishnah Ta’anit 4:6)  All we need to do is remember to turn back around.