You never know. When it’s going to hit you. All is well. You’re dealing with the death day to day. Things seem normal... Then... Wow! A punch to the gut.
What causes it? No one knows. It could be a moment, a smile, a song. Maybe tonight I brought it on myself. I gave a drash about Aaron reacting to the death of two of his sons. And then it was time to read the yahrtzeit list. And so I did, caught up in the names, wanting to make sure I pronounced the correctly. And then it hit me. As I said t’hei nafshoteihem tzrurah b’tzrur chayim. May their souls be bound in eternal life. Bam. I stumbled. My stomach reeling. I thought, “Dad never did get to see me in this roll as a rabbi.” And I cracked. Holding in the emotions, but stumbling on the words, the words I wanted to recite, the words that usually bring me comfort, the words of Kaddish
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