Monday, September 17, 2018

A Year of Mourning - Approaching the Unveiling

It's been too long since I've written. Some of this comes simply from the craziness that is my life. August was filled with kids coming home, multiple jobs, and Sean being away. Amidst all of it were emails and phone calls back and forth with the monument people for the headstone and family about the unveiling. It's coming, October 21. And each time I think about it it's harder. After months of seeming okay, August was filled with pain and tears. As the year begins to wind down, it's as if it's time to face reality. Daddy's really gone.

Of course it's not constant. There was plenty of work to distract. All of Elul. Minyanim. Shabbatot. Rosh Hashanah. But often, out of the blue (it always comes that way) I'm suddenly choked up. I can't get through the words of Kaddish, or my voice cracks as I deliver a drash. I find myself thinking how proud my father would be, or wondering about his comments on my drashot. Never one to mince words, when he said something was good, I knew it really was.

There's so much more to say, but I lack words for now, and not work I have yet to do.

So I dedicate this year to my father, the ups and the downs. To each holiday to find the spirituality and the meaning, to connect with family, and to bring out the best. I love you Daddy. May this be a year of peace.

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