TOO Long, and not enough

It's been way too long since I posted. I mean really posted. Yes, some parshiyot have been going up, but even those are missing recently.

Why? I am suffering from sciatica. Pain is an amazing thing, especially ever-present pain. Even now, at 12:20 am, on percocet, I'm still in pain. I can't sit. I have trouble standing. Lying down is the worst. I can't tilt my head down because it pulls everything.  Mostly I pace, trying to find just the right position where the pain is alleviated for a moment.

It's getting better. But that's the weirdest thing about pain. One month ago, on a 1-10 scale, my level of pain was about a 14. Now it's a two, but it's ever-present, and somehow, my mind forgot how much it  hurt before. It's the infinite nature of this pain that makes me understand crazy people who do self-amputations. Good thing I'm not crazy, well, not that crazy.

I'm on my new couch (from Israel- more on that later) because our bed is too soft (we really need a new mattress) and causes the pain to increase. Even so, I'm "sitting" in some weird, modified yoga child pose. It causes the least pain, but is in no way dignified.

So why am I writing? One- I can't sleep. Pain does that. More importantly, I wanted to give a special shout out to my wonderful husband. He's usually a lousy caregiver. It's odd, because he's one of the most caring people I know. But he's simply not an intuitive caregiver. He gets caught up in stuff, and forgets that I can't do certain things. But not now. For a month and a half now he's been my driver, dropping me at work before minyan, and picking me up. He's taken kids to and from school and to doctor appointments. He's done the laundry. Made lunches. Shopped. Researched new mattresses. Put my socks and shoes on my feet, and even helped me dress.  He's picked up the amazing amount of things I seem to drop everyday, and run up and down the stairs as my errand boy. Plus, he's managed to be the Pride of Israel rabbi for the High Holidays; prepared seudah mafseket for Yom Kippur; set up for his parents' stay with us for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, drove his dad to the airport, built our sukkah, and arranged (and helped) get a neighbour's sukkah built.

Tonight he set me up on our couch (Sapapa, check them out), so I could hopefully sleep with less pain. He then got ready for bed, came back downstairs, and set up a bed for himself on the trundle so he could sleep near me. It's really a romantic gesture, and I love him very much.

Just wanted to put that out in the world.

Sleep well. Someone should.