Sunday, June 22, 2014

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach & Lust

I just read an article about Rabbi Shmuley Boteach & his take on lust.  He claims it's the real reason women get married, and that if we were looking for love we'd stay at home.  After all, "parents love them unconditionally." He's half right.  While parents may love unconditionally, they also seem to believe they have the right to comment or criticize whenever and whatever they want.  Just a few favourite comments I have heard from friends include,

  • "There's an age after which women should not wear shorts."
  • "Remember when you used to dye your hair? It was so pretty then."
  • "You used to be so thin."
All of these were said by loving parents.  That of course does not mean husbands cannot also say unfeeling things. We are all capable.  However, a love chosen is better and more meaningful than a love birthed. Love in marriage must be worked towards on a daily basis. To love unconditionally and without effort takes the meaning from a marriage.

However, Rabbi Boteach is also right. Lust is vital to every successful marriage. After all, if women are to be relegated to chief cook and bottle washer, we could do that with a roommate. But to know that our spouses both love and lust after us, this is a winning combination. 

Sean has often said, "It is nothing to seduce many women once. It's much harder to seduce one woman many times." This is what women really want.  It's the passion and lust of first love maintained over decades. The lust enhances the love and gives it its staying power. A spouse may tell his wife she is beautiful, but how will she truly know if he does not pine after her?