When It Rains, It Pours

It is less than one hour before Shabbat, and Sean & I are sitting on our computers.  Why?  It's been a difficult appliance week.  Yesterday the microwave died.  It's 3.5 months old, just past the labour warranty.  Of course.  Today, mid-challah the oven went poof.  Well not exactly poof.  It's still there.  It just doesn't work.  First it seemed to get way too hot, then nothing.  The challah cooked, sort of, on the residual heat.  Our 30 minute cooking time became 1.5 hours.  I'm not sure it'll be good, but it'll be interesting.  At least it didn't die during the holidays.  Sean is now trying to ascertain, with his great knowledge of ovens (not) and the internet what is actually wrong.  This should be interesting.

In the meantime, since the day school raised our tuition slightly (with no raises in our income) we've added 2 b'nei mitzvah, braces (maybe 2 sets), and now an oven.  We'll live without a microwave, but the oven is going to be tough.

For now, I'm laughing to keep from crying, eating chocolate, and watching sappy Youtube videos.  Let's hear it for the top 10 romantic movies ever!

Hoping Shabbat helps.

A Little Bit of Escapism & Romance

I am a screen-oholic.  I would have said a TV-oholic, but with DVDs and Netfix, it's movies too.  Actually it also includes Youtube.  I love to let my mind rest by binging on screen time.  Over the last month, between all the hagim, the guest, family, and Gavi's bar mitzvah, the screen has been my escape.  I can retreat to my room with a laptop or my ipad, and watch nonsense to my heart's and my head's content.  Lately, I've been focused on romance.  I like mysteries and buddy-cop dramas, but frequently, I guess to appeal to my own demographic, even they have a little romance tossed in.  I've also discovered that if you search your favorite couples on Youtube you can find fan videos of all the best moments made by people who have way more time than I.  Still, I've become obsessed with a few.  After discovering a lot of videos of the best movie and TV kisses, I realized that I too have some favorites, plus, there's nothing like a first kiss...

• Hatter & Alice (SyFy miniseries- Alice), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j74MQ9Rd3Go
• Kensi & Deeks (NCIS LA), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXlPDG_vvws (Can't wait to see what will happen.  Of course it won't be smooth.)
• Kurt & Blaine (Glee), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEz4PQOtikM
• Penelope & Max (Penelope), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If7yzsrEIEM
• Declan & Anna (Leap Year), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If7yzsrEIEM (Plus the proposal- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCYlbOhpR0o)
• Brandon & Marianne (Sense & Sensibility), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhup0tn57h8 (Okay, there's no kiss, but look how happy Brandon is!)
• Darcy & Lizzy (Pride & Prejudice), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkQP19Ebzhw (The BBC miniseries is better, but this is soooo sweet.
• Grigg & Jocelyn (Jane Austen Book Club), no video unfortunately.

There are more, but these are my current obsession with Hatter & Alice and Deeks & Kensi at the top of the list.  

By the way, I also cry at commercials.

Ezer K'negdo or Master/Slave?

Melissa Gorga, one of the "Real Housewives" of New Jersey, has written a book. Love Italian Style, besides having supposedly appalling grammar, purports that women want to be dominated.  The backup- the recent success of 50 Shades of Grey. Beyond the concept of trusting a relationship advice book by a "real housewife," this does bring up questions.

There are differences- In 50 Shades of Grey, Anastasia is not completely submissive. That is the crux. Christian Grey has to learn that to have a relationship there needs to be give and take. Anastasia can choose to cede power within their sexual relationship, but she still maintains the choice. No means no. Furthermore, outside their sexual coupling, their relationship is one of equals. Building to this understanding and respect is what creates and supports their relationship.  To be a master and a slave is a shallow relationship. Each may circle in his/her own sphere, but they cannot truly be partners in life.

The Torah teaches us to find our ezer k'negdo in our life partner. Ezer is help, but k'negdo is in opposition. In an ideal life partner there must be both. We support when support is needed, but we challenge to raise our partners to their own ideals.

The question arises which do women really want? 50 Shades is not necessarily about what women want. I may fantasize about a house on the French Riviera. It is fun, but I don't really want a house on the Riviera. It's the pretend that is the fun, not the getting. Fantasy does not always represent the truth of our desires. In fact, as Spock points out, "Wanting is more pleasing than having. It is not logical, but it is often true."

If women in general really wanted to be controlled, the women's lib movement would have failed. The issues of women around the world would not be the issues they are. You cannot force evolution. It must be the right time, the right place, and the right people. The argument that gender roles have not fully changed doesn't work. The is an evolution of culture, and like genetic evolution, it moves neither quickly, nor in a straight line forward. We have far to go. We have much to teach each other. We have much to learn. We are evolving, but so are our society, our roles, and our definitions. Of course, every once in a while, there's a throw-back.

Parashat Noah- Malala Yousafzai One Year Later- Pure and Righteous in her Generation

…Noah ish tzadik tamim haya bidorotav et haEhlohim hithalech Noah.

Noah was a pure, righteous man in his generation; Noah walked with God. (Breishit 6:9)

Commentators on parashat Noach question the meaning of tzadik tamim haya bidorotav, a pure, righteous man in his generation. They wonder if Noah was only righteous and pure when compared to the others of his generation. Would Noah, placed in another generation, be a pure, righteous man? Or is it only in comparison to the evil of his generation that he can be called a tzadik? I posit another scenario. Tzadik tamim haya bidorotav, a pure, righteous man in his generation- what is the meaning of “in his generation?” When we are surrounded by general goodness, raised with respect, and taught love rather than hate, it is easy to be a Tzadik. It is easy to speak out against immorality and prejudice when those around you provide support. But in his generation, to speak out was to risk his life and the lives of those he loved.

One year ago I wrote about 14-year-old Malala Yousafzai. Malala was shot during the week of parashat Noach by a Taliban gunman for being an advocate for girls’ education. The Taliban failed to kill Malala. They failed to silence her voice, which continued to be heard as she struggled to recuperate, and continues to be heard. On July 12 Malala delivered a speech before the UN Youth Assembly. The day was declared Malala Day by the UN in honor of this inspirational young girl and in order to commemorate her 16th birthday.

The website Policymic.com lists ways that Malala has changed the world. Here they are:

1.     She has sparked a dialogue about children's education throughout the world--There are 57 million children worldwide who have no access to education. In response to Malala’s speech, Vuk Jeremic, president of the UN General Assembly, said, "Today we stand united with young people from nearly one hundred countries in seeking to ensure that no child is barred from attending school - convinced that factors like geography, gender, disability, language, wealth, and ethnicity, should not be seen as impediments to this achievement." 

2.     Three million people have signed the Malala Petition--Malala has managed to encourage people to stand together behind a common cause, urging the United Nations to recommit to the goal of universal primary education for children around the world.

3.     Her ability to be fearless is inspiring beyond measure—At only 11 years old Malala wrote her diary under a pseudonym, in which she discussed life (specifically education) under the Taliban. Knowing her life would be in grave danger if discovered, she has showed us all that we should never give up on a cause in which we believe. 

4.     She created the Malala Fund to ensure that beyond the words of her speech, tangible results are reached in the fight for access to education. 

5.     She has taught the world about forgiveness-- In her speech Malala said, "I do not even hate the Talib who shot me. Even if there is a gun in my hand and he stands in front of me. I would not shoot him."

6.     She has shown us that there is no age limit to stand up against injustice-- Malala began sharing her diaries at age 11, and nothing has stopped her since, not even Taliban bullets.

7.     Her story reminds us all not to take anything for granted—Every day so many of us take the simple action of going to school for granted. Malala's story and her fight to attend school remind us not to take anything for granted in our lives.

8.     She has challenged us all to wage a war against illiteracy and terrorism by "picking up our books and pens."

9.     She has illustrated the importance of peaceful conflict resolution-- Inspired by leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Malala seeks peaceful solutions to tackle the issues of girls' education and the equality of women.

Like Noah, Malala chose to be righteous in her generation. In a generation when the easy thing would be to close her eyes and stay quiet to preserve her life, Malala chose to stand, not on the sidelines, but in the centre ring to make sure her voice would be heard on behalf of those who cannot be heard.

Reading Yona as God's Storyteller

Every Yom Kippur I get the honor of reading the book of Jonah at Mincha.  I love to do it.  It helps carry me through the fast, and it is a wonderful story. But the best part are the taamim.  The taamim are the notes which tell us how to sing a text.  In Yonah, as in all texts, they offer clues to the story.  They tell us how emphatically to read a word.  They are the directors notes in public reading.  I have favorite points-

• When Jonah runs from God towards Tarshish the note on Tarshisha (towards Tarshish) drops.  I can almost feel the futility of his fleeing.
• The sailors on the ship question Jonah, the tension regarding this stranger can be felt in the notes, and grows into fear and awe as they realize the storm is God sent.  Then we hear their plea to God not to incur a blood guilt as Jonah is lowered into the water to save them.
• I see the image of the king of Nineveh rising from his throne to sit in the dust in order to save his city
• I feel for Jonah, although my sympathy is limited, in his frustration and depression over his plight as a prophet whose prophecy will not come true, 
• but can also sense the irony in the lesson God tries to teach him with the gourd.

Every year I try to tell the story, not just in beautiful voice, but with emotion and feeling, to convey the rise and fall of the story to a community that, by and large, does not understand the Hebrew.  I am God's storyteller, and the weight of the responsibility is felt upon my shoulders. For those who cannot understand, I hope the notes speak to their hearts, that the music raises them up for the trial of Neilah that is still to come.  For those who can understand the Hebrew, I hope the drama of the story comes through to inspire them as it does for me.  

The singing of Sefer Yonah is a practice in humility, in responsibility.  I hope I can live up to its words.