Rabbinic Voyeurism

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Voyeurism is the practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors.  What could be more intimate than mourning a loved one, and yet, I am frequently invited to be a bystander, a fly on the wall, watching.  At times I direct, but rarely do I participate. 

Today I presided at a funeral.  Evelyn Sher was not a young woman.  She lived a long, full life.  I did not know her.  

As a rabbi I get to participate in many, many life cycle events.  Births, deaths, weddings, special birthdays and anniversaries, and even more.  Through these special, emotional events I get to know people.  From some of these people I have years to learn, but for others, like Mrs. Sher, their lives are done.  I get to know them only posthumously.  On Friday I met Evelyn's children.  Today I met her daughter-in-law, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  From them I learned that Evelyn was a strong woman.  She loved music.  She was kind, and thankful for everything in her life.  She was ahead of her years.  And she was much more.

Not only did I learn from the words they spoke, but I learned from what I saw.  I saw a tight-knit family.  I saw a great-grandchild slide closer to his cousin, Evelyn's grandson.  I saw Evelyn's grandson place his arm around his younger cousin passing on love and comfort.  I saw the lessons of family, so important to Evelyn, passed on to her descendants.  The love and connection was clear in their touch and their looks.  It is a lesson that is not spoken of, but learned in every moment.

As a rabbi I am honored and humbled to stand on the sidelines and watch these families.  I learn from them; I am awed by them.  I said today, that when I bless my own daughter every Friday night I think of our matriarchs, of Sara and Rebekah, or of Rachel and of Leah, but over time I also think of the amazing strong women I meet in these moments.  The women who raised their families and taught them the lessons of our people throughout history.

Tonight I think of Evelyn, and I am happy to have been able to know her even that little bit.