A household is a balance of responsibilities to ensure that things get done. When one person cannot or is not fulfilling his/her role, others must step up to complete the jobs lest problems ensue.
Sometimes that person, who cannot play his/her part is the mother-figure. I refer to this person as the "mother-figure" because it is a role and not a gender designation. It is a role that may be played by many or rotated amongst family or roommates. The mother-figure traditionally manages the house, and keeps it running smoothly.
I am the mother-figure in our home. It has it's ups and downs. Both children and grandmothers, with Sean in the room, have been known to yell to me in another part of the house questions about food prep. Sean is an excellent cook, and can certainly answer those questions, and provide help and direction where needed. On the flip side, I can find things even when I'm not at home. My most spectacular find was to locate an object in our home in Hawaii after Sean had moved us, while I was still in New York. Yes, I knew where it was even in a house in which I had not entered since Sean began the move.
For eight days now, this mother-figure has been out of commission. I have wonderfully capable kids and a fully capable husband. When I have traveled, even for a week or two at a time, the house runs. However, the presence of the mother-figure, no matter how incapacitated, seems to negate the need for others to fill the role.
Here are the things I do:
1. Laundry- I am in charge of laundry. I do not do all of it, but I am the organizer. I direct others. I ensure it has been picked from the floor and placed in the hampers. Although rarely leaving my room this past week, I am still clearly in charge of the laundry. We have six hampers in the house. One Jesse has filled with old stuffed animals. Three of the other five are in the laundry room at this time. Clearly it is also my job to empty full hampers and return them to their proper locations. The other two- still in their spots. Gavi's and Keren's hampers are fuller than they have ever been. Did I mention I do laundry three to four times weekly. Ideally every day.
Jesse has run out of pants. Luckily, wearing dirty pants is not like wearing dirty underwear. Even after this, did Jesse think to put in a load? Ha! That's so funny. No, he only did so when I said, "Jesse, before you play ping pong with Gavi, you may want to put in a load f your laundry so you can make sure it gets into the dryer before you go to bed. You don't want to go to the dentist tomorrow only in your underwear." BTW, Jesse's laundry is Jesse's responsibility, but he is usually reminded by my doing the laundry or he puts his clothes in one of the other hampers that I wash.
I fold the laundry. This is the only job no one else does. When I travel I know that upon my return all laundry will be clean and sitting in baskets, slowly wrinkling beyond repair. Currently, I sit on my bed surrounded by baskets teeming with clean laundry. There were baskets when I returned home from surgery. Only when I said I could not maneuver the obstacle course they made did Sean make sure to get two of the three folded and out of the room. The third is still here. Since I am off crutches, it has been joined by three more. I can't wait to see what's here tonight since I've said all laundry needs to be done today before we drown in it.
2. I organize the dishwasher- Rarely does the dishwasher run without my rearranging of dishes. Yes, I am one of those annoying people. Still, when Sean or the kids say, "There's no room," I can maneuver another sink-full of dishes into the dishwasher. Usually the dishwasher is run at night when the hydro (that's short for hydro-electric) rates go down, but lately it's been after breakfast with more dishes in the sink. Tsk tsk for our hydro rates and water usage.
This morning I wet to the kitchen to discover a "full" dirty dishwasher, dishes in the sink, and dishes on the table (from this morning AND last night). In just a minute or two, with only a couple of steps taken, all dishes were in the dishwasher, and the load was running.
3. I collect the garbage & recycling from around the house- Each bathroom, plus the kitchen, has a garbage can and a recycling bin. Additional trash bins are located in the laundry room, den, and kids rooms. Garbage is collected every other week; recycling is collected on the weeks in between. Sean regularly makes sure the kitchen garbages are emptied, and that the correct bins are placed by the street every Tuesday. However, the bins around the house need much more frequent emptying, and this is my job. Since my surgery the upstairs bathroom bins have been emptied twice; both times by me, and both times because I was afraid they'd overflow to create a hazard to my unstable walking. The first time the can took three days to return to our bathroom.
4. I change the sheets- No, I don't always change the sheets myself. I tell children to strip beds, or I leave sheets for our wonderful maid who comes twice a month. Yes, I know this doesn't have to happen too often. So maybe you're thinking if I left it alone they'd realize. The answer to that is no; really, they won't realize. Yuck.
Finally... at least for this blog (although there's more)
5. I make the menus and shopping list- Sean & I are trying to eat healthy. To help that along we are trying to shop healthy. To do this we are making weekly menus and our lists from this. For this purpose, and especially for holidays, it is my job to make menus, figure out our pantry inventory, and make the shopping list. I usually do the shopping, but that's more a convenience issue than a job. Still, I need to be on top of it all or things are missed, overlooked, or just completely forgotten. An example- Thursday is American Thanksgiving. We have never failed to celebrate Thanksgiving. Sunday I said, "Sean, we need a turkey. We really needed it Friday, but today would do." Did we get a turkey? No. Yesterday I ordered one from Hartman's (the nearby kosher butcher) It'll be fresh, not frozen (and so it'll cost more, but it'll also taste better). We're picking it up Wednesday.
There's more. God forbid Keren or Gavi, and even Jesse to some extent, ask Sean for help with homework, but that's more their problem than Sean's. I have learned my lesson. Next time I go to a spa to recover.
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