Many of those who know me know of my love of the mitzvah of mikveh. For me, it is a very spiritual act. I have referred to it as my monthly appointment with God. Once a month I spend an evening focusing on me. During the day I think about the creative and procreative nature of the human body. In the evening I take time out to care for my body in a way I do not normally get to, especially as the mother of three. I retreat to my room. I give myself a backward manicure, removing all nail polish, trimming and buffing my nails. I bathe and shower, taking longer than I normally dare. Some months I give myself a facial.
I don't know when I decided that I would go to mikveh each month. By the time the mitzvah became relevant in my life it had been long decided. I think it was a bit of a shock to Sean when I told him (although to his credit he never said so).
If you speak to Sean or me about mikveh we will both praise it as a mitzvah. For Sean it is certainly more sensual and erotic. The Talmud states the reason for women going to mikveh is to keep the relationship between a husband and wife like their honeymoon. It's an interesting idea. When Sean first entered the US Naval Reserve, sixteen years ago, Sean's mom said deployments led to multiple honeymoons. If you maintain the right attitude, absence can make the heart grow fonder.
There have been times when my mikveh observance was not so convenient. One year Sean's & my travel did not coincide favorably with my attendance at the mikveh. It was often frustrating. But I believe that over the years mikveh has strengthened our family. It affects our relationship positively, and I have recommended and taught mikveh strongly and frequently throughout my rabbinate.
Our first day with Sean home we drove the kids to school and made a shiva call. Throughout Toronto we saw friends. It was a lot of fun to watch everyone's reaction as Sean appeared. Thanks to all of you who sent us home to "become reacquainted" with each other. It was nice that so many of you sent us home. For us, driving around Toronto and running errands was one of the ways we were getting acquainted. Mikveh was almost a week away when Sean returned. It meant that those first days were spent simply spending time together. It's amazing how much we had to talk about considering we spoke most days during the deployment. For a week we talked. For a week we looked at each other. For a week we got to just be together. Also for a week we were not trying to steal time away from the children to be together. A look across the table was sufficient and could be shared in a room where the normal chaos of life with children ruled.
For all of you who sent us home. Don't worry. There's always time for that too.
