It takes about a month to adapt to a deployment. There's a new schedule, a lot more for the parent at home to do, and getting used to the missing presence of the deployed military member. What's really odd is the month it takes to adapt to the end of the deployment. There's a new schedule, a new new balance of stuff to do, and a new presence with whom to negotiate space.
When Sean first came home we just walked around with smiles. Sean, the kids, me. We bumped into each other and laughed. Over that first week, we also realized that the schedules we'd so painstakingly set up (you may remember, I am NOT a morning person!) don't work the same way with us both home. When Sean is not here, a little piece of my brain overrides the tendency to hit the snooze button. I may walk through my morning with eyes only half open, but it somehow worked. With Sean home, he's up and getting the kids moving on his schedule. I have to drag my sorry self out from under the covers with more effort each morning. I have to beware of the inbound monkey (stuffed animals that fly between Gavi and Sean on a regular basis). It's hard to do with a brain that's only half awake. During the deployment the kids would wake and dress quickly to get to the computer to see Sean. Last Thursday I reminded Jesse of this. I suggested it might be nice if Jesse did the same thing to see Sean in person before Sean left for minyan. Jesse was unimpressed with my logic.
Since Sean is a morning person, he always got the kids' lunches going in the morning. He immediately went back to that. Thanks, honey! Unfortunately, he also had no idea what the kids liked for lunch. Kids' tastes can be very fickle, and 3.5 months seems like an eternity in kid foodland.
Sleeping is still difficult. I have never slept well with Sean gone. I am a light sleeper to start, well sort-of. Any unusual noise wakes me, such as a kid coughing. A fire truck could go screaming by the house, and I would blissfully sleep through it. I always said that if Sean deployed I'd have to learn to live without sleep. By the end of the first month, most nights I literally fell into bed, averaging about 5 hours sleep. Bronchitis made me sleep more, and exhaustion is a powerful sleeping drug. Of course, stress and the kids' illnesses towards the end meant I counted over three continuous weeks of not sleeping through the night. This has improved since Sean's return, but I still wake two to three times a night.
I assumed that when Sean returned we'd fall back into our comfortable sleep patterns. Ha ha. Not only did we miss each other consciously, but, it seems we missed each other sub-counsciously. We have a fabulous king-sized bed. It means we have plenty of sleeping room. Still, after 17.5 years of marriage, we tend to sleep with some physical contact, usually a hand or leg, but we also spread out into our own space. Sometimes when one of us would return after traveling we'd try to sleep cuddled up. It wouldn't take much before we'd shift back to our normal positions, still in contact, but on our own sides of the bed. Since Sean's return from the deployment, it's as if we've been trying to occupy the same space. Even in our sleep we seem to seek out each other's physical presence. The result for me is I sleep in slightly odd positions, waking with a sore neck or a sore back. Sean, of course, sleeps soundly with nary a care in the world. Even as I type, he is sleeping next to me. Together we occupy about a third of the bed.
One of the best pieces is simply watching the children. They are happier, calmer, but they also have to adjust. They each have their shtick. Jesse can talk for hours without taking a breath. He wants to share everything he learned, and more! He needs to make up for 24-7 of Sean not being here for 3.5 months. Keren just likes knowing her Abba is around. She is calmer and happier, but doesn't seem to need the constant mental or physical connection. Gavi is the fun one to watch. He is trying to make up for all the lost time wrestling, throwing the flying monkey, and the simple physical relationship he has with Sean. Stuffed animals fly constantly. Soft "whacks" are shared every time Gavi walks past Sean. There is giggling and laughter, and a buoyancy to his step that was missing. Still, Gavi somehow needs reassurance. Unlike the absolute acceptance of Sean's presence that Jesse and Keren share, Gavi sometimes still needs something; that something is time.
When a service member deploys the general wisdom is not to change anything too dramatically. Oops. While Sean was gone I cut my hair (about 4-5 inches). While Sean was gone I painted (with help from my parents) three rooms, one being our bedroom. I replaced the bedroom mirror, and changed the art around. There are three new pieces of art in the kids' bathroom. Two of the pieces are newly framed collages frm my mother, a third is a piece my parents gave me. Jesse's bathroom finally has art on the wall. There are three pieces on new furniture in the house, although Sean ordered them, so I don't think they count. I tried to rearrange the furniture, but was waiting for two pieces of art to be framed, so that had to wait. The art was finally finished last week, and I rearranged the living room and dining room this weekend. Saturday night I removed some of the art from the wall, moved tchotchkes, and packed up etrog boxes and hanukiyot so I could remove the shelves they were on. Sean came home after minyan motzi-Shabbat to find me pulling nails and spackling. I couldn't do it all when he was in Okinawa, but I got to do it while he was out. There's more art to frame, and more to hang. Now, if only I could find the right color for the living and dining room walls, the perfect area rug, and some drapes.
Although Sean's deployment was cut short, there are still things to fix. Due to the heavy snow and ice this winter we have a leak in the roof. We discovered it tonight. It's dripping through a light fixture onto our enclosed porch. The electrician comes tomorrow, and the roofer will be called in the morning. The stones of the steps have suffered greatly this winter with the freezing and thawing. These things were on the list to fix/replace, but we'd hoped for a few years. Oh well, it's all part of home ownership, and I'm grateful it didn't happen during the deployment. Our tv did die, sort of. It has a short, and the power only goes on via the channel button. The remote won't work because the signal isn't being picked up, and so there's no way to get the input set to video. We don't have cable in our bedroom, so it's essentially useless. It is interesting when it suddenly springs to life, usually in the middle of the night, and usually in French. I've unplugged it for now. Soon, Gavi and I will take it apart to check it out.
Finally, an adjustment has been our social life. I was busy enough. The kids and I had frequent havurah events, and I got together with a few friends throughout the deployment. On days when I had no where to run, I was happy to simply be home. Sean clearly missed our friends, and, although we had two Saturday nights in a row out, plus friends over last Sunday, he was ready to run out again motzi-Shabbat. It didn't happen, but friends were over on Sunday again, so he'll survive.
It took a month to adapt to the deployment. It will take at least that long to adapt to the welcome home.
