So the squirrels did not do my laundry. I did my laundry, all eight loads. I am eternally grateful to the inventor of the large capacity washer and dryer, without whom it may have been 14-16 loads. The laundry is folded and sorted, and Jesse may have put some of his away. For Gavi and Keren laundry has become too much. I will do it tomorrow for them. As each week passes they are more and more tired. They are sleeping enough. I can only assume they too feel the emotional exhaustion of missing Sean. Only Jesse seems immune. For him it seems to be enough to speak with Sean at length. Jesse has always been verbal. In Sean's physical absence Jesse has found comfort in the ease of Skype and iChat. He checks in morning and evening, telling Sean every minute detail of his day, every thought from his mind, and every idea that passed through his amazing imagination. Although since developing HSP Jesse has slept in my room, comforted by the fact that should he need me in the dark hours of the night I am only an arm's reach away (a good thing since only twice has he slept through the night with the HSP).
Gavi misses his daily ambush of his father. By the end of the school day he is tired, not sleepy, but mentally. He's had headaches and stomach aches since Sean left. He has plans for wrestling and ambushes that Skype cannot replace. It's been worse since my parents left. He misses the extra hugs, the stability of additional adults in the household, and the male presence provided by my father. Papa Bruce was very much in demand from the boys to play games and discuss deep thoughts.
Keren has only recently began to show signs of the emotional toll. She is fragile, bursting into tears for no reason. "Can you bring your lunch box to the kitchen?" results in tears, whining, and a collapse to the floor. She needs her father in a way I cannot replace.
As for me, I am simply tired. I wake in the morning in a different fog than normal. I am not a morning person. I often wake with a curse that it is morning so soon (even when Sean is home), but somehow things are different. My body holds a heaviness that does not come from lack of sleep. I hope this limbo of neither here nor there ends soon. I feel like if I was only sure of a concrete end I could have something to work towards.
In the meantime, Keren is planning a "rejoining party". She's been planning since before Sean left. We have a guest list and a menu. All we need is the guest of honor.
