Toldot- Positive Role Models

Vayetar Yitzhak lA-donai l’nokhach ishto ki akara hi vayei’ater lo A-donai vatahar Rivka ishto

And Isaac entreated A-donai on behalf of his wife because she was barren, and A-donai allowed himself to be entreated, and Rivka, his wife, conceived. (Breishit 25:21)

Each of our matriarchs has been described as barren. Each eventually conceives. In the ancient world, not so different from our own, the state of being without children was viewed as a problem. Women, often treated as property, needed children, especially male children to ensure their future. A son ensured there would be someone to care for you in your dotage. Within the greater world, barrenness was seen as a problem originating with the woman. However Torah and commentary show a view beyond this “traditional” idea. 

Avraham questions God about his lack of children. He does not look only to fault Sarah.  At the same time though, Avraham fails to see their barrenness. He sees only his barrenness. Sarah, seeking to solve the problem, gives her handmaid, Hagar, to Avraham. Hagar conceives, solving the surface problem, but causing the barrenness between Sarah and Avraham to fester.

When Rachel, the love of Jacob’s life, comes to him to plead for children, his response is defensive. Jacob yells back “Is this my fault?” (Paraphrase mine)  He does not blame Rachel, but neither does he share the pain.

Isaac, unique among our patriarchs, feels the emotion of his wife. “She [had become] his wife, and he loved her, and Isaac was comforted after [the loss of] his mother” (Breishit 24:67). Isaac understands loss. He openly feels emotions, and understands the comfort of a shared burden. 

Torah does not tell us that Rivka asked Isaac to pray to God. In fact, when questioning, Rivka is perfectly comfortable seeking her own answers. She is as much a prophet as Isaac. Nonetheless, Isaac understands that barrenness is not one person’s problem or one person’s pain. He seeks counsel in regard to their shared situation. Rivka is barren as she is the only one able to be pregnant, but her barrenness effects them both. Isaac’s openness to this shared state is indicative of their mutual love and respect, and the equality of their relationship. There are too few positive role models for modern marriage in our Torah. Isaac’s image of shared love, emotion, and burden is one we should seek to emulate.