Vayishlach- Facing Our Fears & Embracing the Future (or the politically incorrect title- Jacob Mans Up)

This week’s dvar is taken from a piece I wrote while still at JTS. It was relevant then, and, with the seemingly daily need to pull down our leaders and heroes through gossip and details of their personal lives, I think it is relevant today.  Sean says it's one of my best ever.

There has been talk in recent years about the dysfunction of families in the Tanakh, specifically those families to whom we look as our ancestors. Before dysfunction became a catchword, we were taught that what is special about our ancestors is that they were not perfect. Even with their faults, they were righteous people. I believe this to be true. It is not the existence of these faults that make our ancestors good or bad, but how they lived with them.

Families of today are not so different from the families about whom we read in the Genesis. Problems existed. Today we see the same dilemmas on talk shows or in gossip columns. Spouses deceive one another; there is abuse; sisters love the same man, and sibling rivalry can lead to the tragic point of murder. This could easily be the line-up for any talk show during sweeps week. But this is our history, given to us in order to teach how we should live.

At first glance we might wonder what God wants us to learn from these stories of pain. The Tanakh is not a tabloid. Like talk-show audiences, we are given a glimpse into the private and difficult live of people we call our ancestors. On the other hand, we also have the opportunity to see how they handled their problems and conflicts in their lives- without the audience.

Vayishlach is a perfect example of this. We know Jacob and Esau were fighting even in the womb. It is clear to us that they were each the favourite of one parent, putting them further into conflict. The rivalry increased until Jacob was finally forced to flee for his life. Now, it is time for Jacob to return home. He cannot do this without confronting both his brother and the actions of his past. What will happen? It is obvious through Jacob’s fear that the animosity between him and Esau is not completely forgotten. Perhaps it should not be. But what of Esau? How does he feel after having so many years to dwell upon their relationship?

Whatever Jacob’s fears, the time has come. Jacob does not resort to appearing on the View or being interviewed by Larry King. He does not cry out to an audience asking someone else to solve his problems. He confronts himself, and only then, after he has come to terms with his past, does he meet his brother again.

Moreover, they do not come together, eyes blazing with anger, in front of the entire world. Jacob goes alone, before his entourage. Esau runs to meet him, alone. Together, yet alone, they reconcile. The past is behind them. They embrace the future.

Their story ends, “Vayigva Yitzhak vayamot vayei’a’sef el amav zakein usba yamim vayik’b’ru oto Eisav v’Ya’akov banav.” “And Isaac expired and died and was gathered to his people, old and full of days; and Esau and Jacob, his sons, buried him together.” (Breishit 35:29)