Sex & Violence

I just heard on the radio that gun violence in PG-13 movies has tripled since the rating was introduced.   In addition, it seems there is something called the "gun effect."  The very presence of a gun increases aggression.  The gun effect doesn't surprise me.  The continuing increase in violence in movies directed at teens disgusts me.  On the flip side, movies can earn an R rating with a simple flash of nipple.  One has to wonder which is more dangerous- a weapon or a nipple.  Which is more damaging to self and to psyche?

I remember going to my first R rated movie.  It was December 1980.  I was 11.  I was in sixth grade.  We were in Miami staying with friends.  I remember it for two reasons.  Russell had to stay at the friends' home while I went out with our parents, and I got to go to an R rated movie.  It was "Private Benjamin," starring Goldie Hawn.  While tame by today's standards, it features sex, although seen from the shoulders up, some profanity, war games in army training, and drugs.  The first sex scene maybe only 3-4 scenes in.  Amazingly, I do not believe I was at all damaged by the movie in any way.

Fast forward to today.  Keren is 11.  Sean and I had the debate over whether the kids could watch "Life of Brian," which features full frontal nudity, however not in a sexual way.  My argument was the video games and movies, and even television the kids see daily is so much more damaging than the brief view of a man or a woman standing naked.  Sean is the prude in the family, but eventually he saw my point.  Our children have all studied anatomy on age appropriate levels.  As young children we bathed them together.  They know what the human body looks like.  By the way, Monty Python's "Holy Grail" is PG.  I think it's much worse- just check out the Castle Anthrax scene- "and after the spanking the oral sex." with women in the background chanting "Oral sex. Oral sex."  The kids watched that at a friend's house.  We'd said anything G or PG rated was okay.  Oops.  A couple of years later we knew Jesse was growing up when he started giggling at that scene.

More significant- we watch what our children watch (we also know what the human body looks like).  Most often we watch with our children.  This leads to discussion.  Discussion leads to examination and learning.  I have been known to tell my children they can't watch something.  I never allowed "Sponge Bob."  My reason- "It is simply too stupid for any intelligent person to watch."  (I did watch part of an episode to make my judgement, but it was so awful I had to turn it off.)  We didn't watch "Barney."  "I find Barney too inane and annoying to have on."  (Interestingly neither Gavi nor Keren asked what inane meant.)  I have also said to my kids when they do ask what something means, "That's something you're not mature enough to know yet.  When you are we can discuss it then."  It's basically I'll tell you when you're older with a twist.  I mean it.  I will discuss it, just not then.  The kids know it's not a brush off, and they've accepted the lesson that there are things they don't need to know right away.  I have disallowed certain video games.  We have watch great classic Looney Toons, and talked about the violence.  Two favorite movies of Sean's and mine are "The Negotiator" and "Demolition Man."  The kids haven't seen them.  They are very violent.  They could watch now.  We've talked about them.  We've talked about the stories, the acting, the reason for the language and the violence.  And when the kids do watch, we'll talk some more.

In the meantime, give me healthy, consensual sex or nudity over blasting people indiscriminately away any day.